The big question is how? How can I change? What I need to do to have a smile in my face again? To feel good about myself and others? It’s something inside me that is broken… it’s not my routine, my family, my job… it’s really inside me. It’s like my whole life has been a disappointment and a few months back I was all hopeful and then things start to cool off. People whom I count on, are suddenly not there anymore… nothing really changed in my life.

So maybe the question is not to give up? I can’t lose hope. And I need to stop couting on other people. I need to stop being disappointed. People don’t change, they will always be the same. But I can change. And I will. For my own hapiness, I will change.

First of all, let’s start complaining, *of course!*
I’m feeling a lot this lately… a lot lot lot. 99,9% of the time I feel lonely, even if I’m not alone… I think I’m terrible in conversations… because I can’t talk anything about me… people cut me off, and start talking about themselves. Sometimes I want to talk so much about something and I just can’t… no one wants to listen 90% of what I’ve to say… so I stay quiet, listening to what they want to say… And when I do talk, they don’t pay attention… at all. I feel like I’m disappearing

** Ok. Enough with the complaint! **

The return of Lost!

Soooo, the return of Lost! Finally, after months waiting for the new season, we finally saw what happened the bomb… but wait, what happened? It exploded. And not exploded. We are back in 2007. Outside the island. AND we are back in 2010 on island… So yes, we have two parallel realities. Confusing? Not really… if you found that confusing, you never watched Lost! I really enjoyed the premiere… maybe it was not everything I was expecting.. but I could see Juliet saying “Goodbye”. – sooo sad – And Charlie again! Alive!!! Ok, drugged Charlie is not fun. At all! But still it’s Charlie…
Spotlight to Josh Holloway in this episode. The guy was amazing! You can totally see the cynicism, the double-dealing in the “old” Sawyer. It’s like watching the first season all over again. And on the other side, you have the “new” Sawyer. The guy who is in pain for the lost of the woman he loved. Very, very well done! LOVE IT. <3

I really look forward for the next episodes! I hope we get to see the “old Locke” back. I don’t like the “bad Locke” (but then again, who does it?!). But I mean… Locke didn’t deserve a death like he had… Even Boone, with a much smaller part had a more decent ending.

The king Evgeny Plushenko.

Next week, the 2010 Winter Olympics will start. I waited four years for this event! It’s the best thing ever!!!! And in the beginning of this year, we Figure Skating fans had a surprise. Evgeny Plushenko – THE BEST FIGURE SKATER EVER – was back to compete again for a golden medal in the Winter Olympics. Of course… that was great for fans and Plushenko -who have been operated and without skating in a competition since the last Winter Olympics in Turino, 04 years ago – but for the other male skaters?? Noooooo. I think they all thought before: “Yeah, finally I’ve a chance of winning something!” A prove of that was Brian Joubert in the last European Figure Skating Championships. If you watch the video, or see the picture, you will understand what I’m saying… look Brian’s face?? I’m a fan of him too, don’t get me wrong. He is a great skater, and SOOOO pretty. But, NO ONE skates better than Plushenko. No one. He is perfect. And hopefully next week we will be able to see all his awesomeness again, ruling Vancouver! <333

Of course I know why I’m feeling like this… I’m stressed. There are so many reasons to be stressed, that is why I’m with this awful pain in my back too… I know all of this. I just don’t know how to stop thinking about things. Gahh I think tooooo much! I over analyze everything. I get upset with the most silly things… it’s like I don’t know people, but I do know them, so why I get upset when they do something I don’t like? I know it’s nothing major… deep down I know it’s nothing. But I’ve been there… I know better than that, little things will transform into a gigantic thing later.

And then there are things at home and others things that I keep thinking if I did it right, or wrong and if doesn’t work how much pain can it bring to everyone involved… but I guess about that, just time will tell if  it was the right or wrong thing to do.

So yeah… I think too much